More YouTube Material Allowed by the Internet Gods

Finally, after a host of technical issues, the IT-gods have smiled on EuroNews. They have seen fit to allow the final press conference and debate of EuroSim 2012 to appear on

http://www.youtube.com/user/EuroSim2012/videos

If such good omens continue, tomorrow the initial press conference and town hall meeting may through good IT-mojo appear in the very same spot.

And the Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Award for Most Ridiculous and/or Useless Propaganda Effort Goes To...

Named for Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf, better known as "Comical Ali", Saddam Hussein's Minister of Information. He became infamous for his pronouncement from Baghdad of doom for American forces in the Iraq War of 2003. The most memorable was his denial, on live television, that there were any US troops in Baghdad, while in the background US tanks could clearly be seen rumbling through the city streets.

THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION!!!

Close-mouthed, that is to be expected from the Commission who are, after all, civil servants. But the almost Omertà-like tight-lippedness of the Commission at this summit, compounded by bungling planning of interviews and inept handling of the press, was extreme.

After this experience, one could almost imagine Barroso in the role of the only (briefly) surviving victim of the Saint Valentine's Massacre, Frank Gusenberg. Already dying when the police arrived and asked who shot him, he said, "Nobody shot me",  and died. Thus he both prevented the police from solving the crime, but immediately entered mafia lore, as witnessed in The Simpson's where local mafia don Fat Tony's henchman, Johnny Tightlips, won't answer any question - even to save his own life.

Do you see a resemblance? Perhaps not, but you will certainly hear a resemblance. Or rather you won't, 'cause he ain't saying nottin'.

And the Edward Bernays Award for Best Propaganda Effort Goes To...

The Edward Bernays Award is named after the "father of modern propaganda", Edward Louis Bernays. A nephew of Freud, he invented the use of doctors to promote bacon for breakfast (creating the modern American cooked breakfast), promoting smoking amongst women and many other "valuable" contributions to society and progress.

[DISCLAIMER! NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE ACTUAL "Edward L. Bernays Award" AWARDED BY THE "MAINE PUBLIC RELATIONS COUNCIL"]

THE ALLIANCE OF EUROPEAN NATIONALIST MOVEMENTS

They were everywhere, anytime. Even in the bathroom you couldn't escape these guys' efforts to promote their unsavoury cause. But credit where credit's due, "G&G" were omnipresent and even landed a meeting with Merkozy

The nationalist's "Dynamic Duo", Gollnish & Griffin, mounted by far the most vigorous, creative and wide-ranging press campaign. They started Twitter wars, sneaked into common NGO meetings without official invitation, tried sexual harassment, and took to if not the streets, then the toilets. The "Terror Twins" placed flyers with outrageously overblown horror stories in the summit bathrooms, thus making sure that the leaflets were at least seen. It is unknown whether someone may simply have wiped their ass with the offending flyers, or if they found them too disgusting even for that.

One of the AENM's flyers, playing to the viewer's primal fear of violence

Another example of AENM "toilet propaganda"

The Seedy Underside of High Politics

by "observers" as garnered by the editor-in-chief

Danish PM Unwittingly Sexually Harassed by Media Whores

In yet another media stunt, the media whores of the Alliance of European Nationalist Movements (AENM) tried to stage "a Berlusconi" during this weekend's summit. Nick Griffin and Bruno Gollnisch, were caught one evening outside the Wild Goose checking out Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt personal details (and we’re not talking CV here…). Déjà vue? It already happened to her in October 2011 when Silvio Berlusconi, former PM of Italy, was also interested in the Danish PM's personal attributes.

Danish Minister of Justice - A Real Don Juan?

Rumors have surfaced, that Danish Minister of Justice Morten Bødskov has been seen partying hard on the penultimate night of the summit with at least three young women. Apparently he wins them over through a combination of Barry White and perhaps a serving of the ulitmate "cop cake", which he also submitted conference attendees to; the infamous Danish "lemon moon" ("citronmåne"). Though unsure about the connections between Barry White and law enforcement, the choice of lemon moon is unsurprising, as it is a stable part of the diet of Danish policemen and -women, and Mr. Bødskov's Ministry of Justice is presiding over Danish law enforcement.

Opposite Attract or Strange Bedfellows?

Perhaps the animosity between nationalist and Front National member, Bruno Gollnisch, and Amnesty International activist, "Last-Name-Unknown" Svend Erik. Though certainly coming to verbal blows at the final press conference, Svend Erik was seen giving Mr. Gollnish a solid, perhaps friendly or collegial(?) slap on the behind after the summit. No reprimand was given and apparently no offense taken. It was certainly neither a patting down search for hidden weapons or the type of "paddling" formerly used as a corrective against children (that would have been even more inappropriate coming from an Amnesty activist). What lay behind (no pun intended) this friendly exchange of body contact is unknown, but it certainly seem to relegate their conference altercation to the category of Potemkin villages.

Eurocrat Involved With DUI?

Leaving the summit, one high-ranking Eurocrat (identity unconfirmed) supposedly remarked if there was a way to make all alcohol evaporate from a human body on a short walk to the car. Whether this individual was driving, asking a hypothetical question, or making a joke is unknown. But it is certainly worrying that the future of Europe is in the hands of persons either willing to commit DUI or joke about it.

What Really Goes On Behind the Closed Doors (and why the doors are closed)

A Commission representative made what perhaps could have been a Freudian slip, when he said that the Danish presidency had really pleased them and the Commission was pleasing itself(!) What goes on behind all those closed doors?!? Is this some kind of strange EU benefit or perk? Certainly, it is not something that the Danish presidency remarked upon, but perhaps its members are too traumatized by the experience.

Bribery to Make Up for Bad Planning

Jose Manuel Barroso, President of the European Commission was desperate to not to get any kind of negative press coverage after the" misunderstanding" (according to themselves) or rather negligence of the Commission, who did not show up for an agreed upon press meeting. He then tried to bribe the journalist with chocolate, hoping that the mistake would not be pointed out. But how can we stay silent if such persons decide our future and that of Europe as well?

FUCK THE PRESS!

This was apparently the response from the Commission when its failed press strategy and bad managing and planning cost it the prominent position in the headlines one would expect. The exact words of this headline were apparently spoken behind closed doors, and certainly the effect was evident for all to see. Besides the final press conference, the Commission apparently decided to pretend the press doesn't exist, or at least that none of its journalists were present at the summit. This of course left the Commission completely vulnerable when the Council trounced it in the final hours of the summit, and it may even have jeopardized the final policy proposal's approval by the European Parliament.

We Live and Learn...

by the editor

My pessimistic predictions regarding the final outcomes were somewhat put to shame by the final document. While the resettlement program was indeed eliminated in the final version, Dublin II left intact, and the 'ask permission before you extraordinarily close an internal Schengen border' paragraph revised to reflect the status quo, some version of a common migration policy did make it through. 

Common visa and asylum rules have been postponed (perhap indefinately), but a common system to deal with illegal immigrants (i.e. those who cannot be granted asylum) will result from this summit. The new "Safe Port" system is fairly inconsequential as it pertain to the EU "Safe Ports". Those will not require more than a new sign at the entrance to existing camps, such as the one on the Italian islet of Lampedusa. What's new is the "Safe Ports" in third countries. The system seems to have broad support from all, although some grumbles were heard from an Amnesty International activist. However, the new system certainly opens the possibility for a much clearer instrument of pressure against third countries, since funding through the European Neighbourhood Policy in its reincarnation as the European Neighbourhood Policy Instrument, will now be directly and explicitly tied to third countries efforts and success in preventing migration to Europe.

Otherwise, the only major change seems to be the combining of various programmes into fewer, larger and more wide-ranging programmes through pooling.

All in all, this was perhaps the best that could be hoped for, since the Commission's initial idea of limiting national ability to extraordinarily close down internal Schengen borders probably never had a chance in the Council, and only Greece was openly championing a truly shared burden of immigration, against staunch opposition from both France, Germany, the UK and the Danish presidency.

Do not think however, that we have heard the last on such common migration policy efforts in the EU. Besides the promise of a follow-up summit to look into possible common asylum and visa procedures (this may simply be a stalling effort, allowing the issues to die quietly), Commission President Barroso remarks at the final press conference should be kept in mind. He basicly said outright that this limited initial effort is only the thin end of the wedge, and that the Commission is biding its time. In doing so, the Commission is also licking its wounds after being steam-rolled by the government delegations at the very end of the summit, when the Council outright excluded Commission representatives from their final meeting, and then went on to dictate the results to the Commission.

Thank you all!

Now that all the negotiations are finished, EuroNews would like to express its gratitude and give a BIG thank you to all the participants present at the summit for reaching a Common European Migration Policy.

The first should and do go to the Game Directors and The General Secretariat of the Council of the European Union, Secretary-General of the Council of the European Union, Uwe Corsepius, and Chef de Cabinet of the Secretary-General, Marek Mora. They have done an incredible job and had managed to deal with all unforeseen  situations that occurred along the summit (in Rumsfeld’s famous words, “the unknown unknowns”). Not only did they fulfill every need, but also in a timely and accurate fashion. We know they’ve been through tough times in the last few days, because all the eyes and complaints were directed to them.

However, we have to mention that at the beginning we were sceptical, especially as the press were the last invited. It went so far, that the editor-in-chief publicly voiced concerns over transparency within the EU’s procedures, and plans were in the offing for the press simply to focus on other topics, avoiding the very late invitation. Initial working conditions were unfortunately far from optimal with a press room without working sockets – unacceptable in our digital world. But the press always finds a way to publish. And after all, everybody can make mistakes, as witnessed by the slip-up by German Minister for the Interior, Hans-Peter Friedrich in own speech at the Press Conference of the JHA Commission. Thus the world goes on with the Commission refusing to open up to journalists, and the press making typos which can lead to sometimes humorous misunderstandings.

We also appreciate the diplomatic presence of Danish Presidency throughout the weekend, striving to reaching an agreement. We could observe the tension and the real pressure in air on the first day of negotiations, and also the curiosity that rose about the real cause of the locked doors on Saturday. Even though, at the end of the game, some voices were unsatisfied with the quality of our journalism, we would say we tried present the real picture of how meetings, lobbying and socializing played out. More than that, we appreciate the serious PR strategies especially of some of the game players.

Our last words are full of respect and appreciation for the entire Game of the 23-25 March 2012. 

Viel Geschrei und Wenig Wolle

by the editor

This German proverb probably best describes this editor's expectations to the final aggreement on a common EU migration policy.

With the heart of the initial proposal, the "resettlement/burden-sharing/solidarity" pillar, in tatters, only tightened border controls and "Safe Ports" is the only substantial outcome expected. The Dublin II Agreement will stand, much to the chagrin of Italy and Greece, and this basic faillure will probably be papered over by nice phrases about "common efforts", "brotherhood", and "united efforts".

But I may yet be surprised.